Let's Go Crazy...

"You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody's crazy."-Charles Manson

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most,"-Mark Twain

"I had a thought. It was lonely...so, it left me."-me

Yesterday, I saw my therapist. Depressed, paranoid, and desperate to get out of there. Very unusual for me. Normally, I perceive her office as a warm, safe, loving environment where I am free to be myself. My mind was totally altering my perceptions. She was asking me questions, looking at me, and jotting down notes. In other words, doing her job. I was becoming increasingly paranoid as I sat there. I wanted to yell, "Why are you staring at me? What are you writing about me? " She inquired about the paranoia. I told her I couldn't trust anyone...even her. She thought this episode may have been triggered by deep family discussions we had last week or perhaps, the stress of returning to work. Whatever the cause, i am tired of it. Eventually, she told me to call my nurse practitioner. My NP said it was probably related to stress of returning to work. She said it wasn't anything medicine would help and I needed to work on coping skills with therapist. Previously, my therapist mentioned possibility of needing to go to Stress Center. I told her I wouldn't attempt suicide because I have tried before and always fail. She asked what I was doing to help myself. "Surrounding myself with my family," I told her. I also mentioned the compulsive cleaning. On the positive, I am still abstinent. Reality: I FEEL LIKE SHIT!!! I sat in that chair in her office with tears in my eyes. Tightly closing my eyes, I tried to "disappear." But it was useless. Through all of this therapy, she has stripped me of my defenses. I can no longer block out the feelings. They are much to overwhelming. I am walking a fine line between reality and insanity...the worst part is that I am totally aware of it, but nobody else seems to be. So, let me leave you with this fnal thought for today:
"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, Godless, evil stuff...and I want in."-Homer Simpson

Stupidity in the News

Prepare yourself for the newest findings in research. "Certain foods may increase dopamine levels, leading to a 'feel good' response, which may make such foods addictive." Amazing! Who would have guessed? So, someone is actually spending money to research this concept. Isn't that the theory behind Overeater's Anonymous (OA)? It is so blatantly obvious that foods are addictive. Many foods can produce the same "high" as drugs or alcohol. Duh!!! What will the powers that be do with this knowledge? Can they use it to manufacture a pill for us that works like Antebuse for the alcoholic? Ya know, make you deathly ill if you eat? I prefer the 12 step approach. 1. "We admitted we were powerless over food-that our lives had become unmanageable." 2. "Came to believe that a power higher than ourselves could return us to sanity." 3. "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." 4. "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." 5. "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." For more info on OA, visit the website www.oa.org I believe that we can overcome food addiction by finding and giving support to others like us. I continue to believe in the importance of working with a healthcare team including a primary care physician, a dietician, a knowledgeable therapist, and if your problems indicate the need, a psychiatrist. Please, eat responsibly...the life you save, may be your own.