Crazy Thinking

Okay, we all know I am bipolar. True, I have been fairly stable. Like most things in life, stability is threatened when "stuff" comes back to bite you on the ass. Paranoia. Who can I truly trust? Feeling quite alone, right now. Although she says she is affirming my feelings, I feel like she no longer believes in me. Horrific messages from my past. "I am no good." "I will never amount to anything." "Don't trust anyone." Not feeling very serene at this moment. I need contact with people. I know that intellectually. However, I am finding it difficult, if not impossible, to reach out. So, here I am--writing. It is a wonder anyone believes in me. I have failed time and time, again. I am quickly sinking in the quicksand of despair. I am feeling abandoned by my "friends." Isolated. Scared. Tearful. If only I could magically disappear from existance. What is the point in life? I have no answers. Just questions. I don't want to bring anyone down. I am not even sure why I chose to blog today. To all that read this, I am extremely vulnerable right now.