Mood swings are out of control. Can't sleep despite how tired I am. Up at 1 a.m. doing laundry and dishes. Sleeping meds are of no use. Manic/depressed: I am all over the place. Eating disorder is playing a significant role in my life. Luckily, I do have support systems in place. Thankfully, there are many people who are willing to put up with my insanity and hang around until I work through it. So many times, I just wish that I was "normal." My mind is always so busy with all of the things I want/need to do. OCD, perfectionism, PTSD, and life in general can be overwhelming. I am grateful for the moments when my mind does calm down and I am able to rest. However, this is not one of those moments. If you are suffering, too, I am praying for an effective treatment. In the meantime, we continue our regime of medications, therapy, psychiatric visits, and following our food plans. Waiting, hoping for an answer. I think, above all, the most important thought that I have had in the past week is that when I die, I want my headstone to simply say "she made a difference." Every day, I wake up and thank God for another day. I make every attempt to add something to someone else's life--even if it is only a smile. We should all be thankful for what we do have; there is usually someone less fortunate. If everyone would take a moment to add a little kindness and then, "pay it forward," the world would be a better place.
May you find peace.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
boundaries
Trying to set boundaries with myself and others. This is truly difficult. I expect too much from myself. I am also an adrenaline junkie. I love that high that comes with the rush of adrenaline. It is the same feeling associated with starving and mania. So, I have 3 sisters. I am the "sister who doesn't exist." Yeah, this is a direct quote. Fits right in with the anorexia. When I have contact with them, I totally revert to childhood. Insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. I cannot change them. I can change me. I have set boundaries in regards to them. Today is a new day. Rejoice and be free.
Monday, March 7, 2011
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