Can't sleep

Mood swings are out of control. Can't sleep despite how tired I am. Up at 1 a.m. doing laundry and dishes. Sleeping meds are of no use. Manic/depressed: I am all over the place. Eating disorder is playing a significant role in my life. Luckily, I do have support systems in place. Thankfully, there are many people who are willing to put up with my insanity and hang around until I work through it. So many times, I just wish that I was "normal." My mind is always so busy with all of the things I want/need to do. OCD, perfectionism, PTSD, and life in general can be overwhelming. I am grateful for the moments when my mind does calm down and I am able to rest. However, this is not one of those moments. If you are suffering, too, I am praying for an effective treatment. In the meantime, we continue our regime of medications, therapy, psychiatric visits, and following our food plans. Waiting, hoping for an answer. I think, above all, the most important thought that I have had in the past week is that when I die, I want my headstone to simply say "she made a difference." Every day, I wake up and thank God for another day. I make every attempt to add something to someone else's life--even if it is only a smile. We should all be thankful for what we do have; there is usually someone less fortunate. If everyone would take a moment to add a little kindness and then, "pay it forward," the world would be a better place.

May you find peace.

National Eating Disorder Month

February is the month dedicated to increasing public awareness of eating disorders. Therefore, I am doing my best to increase awarenewess and knowledge. One way that I am doing this is by creating an "event" on facebook called "National Eating Disorder Month Invitational." It is my hope to bring together people's stories of recovery, hope and strength. I want to inspire others to attain abstinence. Eating disorders are a matter of life or death. We definitely need to work together as a society to protect future generations through education and prevention. This is an area that I am extremely passionate about. After nearly 30 years of my own battles, I cannot begin to describe the peace I have found in being abstinent. I am grateful to all of those who have and continue to provide support, love, and understanding. Together, we can conquer our demons.