Mood swings are out of control. Can't sleep despite how tired I am. Up at 1 a.m. doing laundry and dishes. Sleeping meds are of no use. Manic/depressed: I am all over the place. Eating disorder is playing a significant role in my life. Luckily, I do have support systems in place. Thankfully, there are many people who are willing to put up with my insanity and hang around until I work through it. So many times, I just wish that I was "normal." My mind is always so busy with all of the things I want/need to do. OCD, perfectionism, PTSD, and life in general can be overwhelming. I am grateful for the moments when my mind does calm down and I am able to rest. However, this is not one of those moments. If you are suffering, too, I am praying for an effective treatment. In the meantime, we continue our regime of medications, therapy, psychiatric visits, and following our food plans. Waiting, hoping for an answer. I think, above all, the most important thought that I have had in the past week is that when I die, I want my headstone to simply say "she made a difference." Every day, I wake up and thank God for another day. I make every attempt to add something to someone else's life--even if it is only a smile. We should all be thankful for what we do have; there is usually someone less fortunate. If everyone would take a moment to add a little kindness and then, "pay it forward," the world would be a better place.
May you find peace.
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